Make these 5 tweaks to start flourishing, not languishing, this New Year

Did you welcome the new year with a sense of ‘meh’? Or maybe for a while you’ve been thinking, ‘Is this it?’ and ‘What’s next for me?’ This inertia is so common it has a name – languishing. Simply put, it means you’re trudging through days that are lacking real joy or purpose. But there's plenty you can do to turn languishing into flourishing.

The trouble with reaching middle age is that there’s often a natural pause. Life’s pace has likely slowed since those whirlwind decades when big experiences, such as buying a house, getting married, climbing the career ladder and having children – to name a few – consumed all of your focus and energy. And while you may now have much more freedom with your time, a feeling of being directionless can easily creep in.

If you’re languishing, it can best be described as not firing on all cylinders, and your drive and desire for life will be noticeably dulled. It might be that your feel-good morning routine has gone kaput or you’re cooking the same humdrum dinners because you can’t be bothered to open a recipe book or to try mood-boosting foods. Spending every evening channel-hopping or snoozing on the sofa, instead of enjoying hobbies and social activities, can also highlight a life that has slid into the languishing zone.

Unfortunately, unhelpful patterns soon turn into unhealthy habits and, because our physical and mental health are so interlinked, it’s all too easy to get locked into these ‘stuck cycles’, says Gosia Bowling, national lead for mental health at Nuffield Health.

According to the Axa 2024 Mind Health Index, 28% of the 16,000 adults surveyed across 16 countries said they experienced languishing in 2023, while 33% felt that they were just ‘getting by’ in life, with women particularly affected.

Depression or languishing?

While languishing under a grey cloud may look and feel a lot like depression, there are key differences. If we think about mental health being on a spectrum, with peak wellbeing at one end and depression at the other, languishing sits in between – it’s feeling ‘blah’, indifferent and stagnant, rather than really sad.

“Languishing is the absence of mental wellbeing,” says Gosia. “You’re not depressed, but you’re certainly not thriving.” It isn’t diagnosable and you are still able to function, but it can have a huge impact. Loneliness can play a big role too at this stage of life. Friendships naturally shift throughout the years, and the people we used to rely on for support and spontaneous fun might no longer be available in the same way.

“We often shape and reshape ourselves by the people that we spend time with,” says Lisa Gunn, mental health prevention lead at Nuffield Health. “As we approach middle age, it might be that we have fewer connections with friendships that we used to maintain, due to other demands of life taking up our time, or maybe the common ground on which the friendship started has changed.” This can increase feelings of demotivation, and lead to a lack of practice in making new connections.

Symptoms of languishing

If you recognise three or more of these in yourself, you might be experiencing languishing: Daily life feels mundane, rather than worthwhile or engaging.

• You don’t have the usual drive or energy for something you were once ambitious about.
• There’s a sense of unease, but you’re unable to pinpoint exactly where it’s coming from.
• You’re having difficulty focusing within all aspects of life.
• There’s a feeling of detachment, not just from people, but also situations or moments.
• You’re struggling to find the point in the day-to-day.

Take back control

The trouble when you’re surviving and not thriving is that it can feel like a vicious cycle – a life of languishing can be incredibly boring and low on stimulation. “This, together with a lack of purpose, impacts on mood, increasing a sense of ‘meh’,” adds Gosia. The biggest problem with feeling this way is that it can easily go undetected. You’ve more than likely said to yourself ‘It’s just one of those weeks’, but this can insidiously become one of those months or even one of those years.

On the brighter side, it is possible to turn things around and boost your mental health. You might already have a go-to self-care routine for when you feel in a ‘funk’, so use it to help yourself see through the fog – whether that’s going walking for 30 minutes a day, meeting a friend for coffee or tweaking your diet so that you cut back on the bad stuff (such as sugar and alcohol), and get back on track with healthy eating.

“Plus, when we are exploring new skills or learning new things, our brains are stimulated, and this can lead to us feeling a new sense of purpose and enthusiasm for life,” says Lisa. Using your cognitive processes will aid the brain’s ability to build neurons and pathways, enhancing your overall satisfaction and happiness with life.

Break free from the languishing cycle and regain your purpose, with these tips.

1. Discover your flow

One of the ways of acknowledging and breaking the cycles that languishing creates is a concept called flow, says Gosia. This is often referred to as ‘being in the zone’ – when you become so engrossed in a meaningful activity that you lose track of time and all sense of self disappears. The best way of finding your flow is doing an activity you enjoy, whether that’s baking, gardening, painting, hiking or playing music. “In order to move from the stagnant state of languishing, you need to take meaningful action, which will get you ‘unstuck’ and back into a state of flow,” adds Gosia.

2. Unplug

Lose time scrolling through social media, then beat yourself up for achieving nothing? It’s time to switch off. “Fragmenting our attention and continually switching from task to task has a hugely detrimental impact on our ability to fully engage in an activity,” says Gosia. Plan ‘distraction-free zones’ and either turn off your devices or put them in ‘do not disturb’ mode. You may also find it helpful to reward yourself once your to-do list is complete – whether that’s making a tasty lunch or a relaxing bubble bath.

3. Get moving

While curling up under a blanket and binge-watching your favourite Netflix series can be comforting – especially when it’s gloomy outside – it can exacerbate that ‘flat’ feeling. Being active can be the kick-starter you need. “Movement leads to motivation – we usually have to move first before motivation catches up with us,” says Lisa. “This can be a key part of why we feel we are languishing, as breaking sedentary habits can be difficult to do.” Set small goals. Start with something like a five minute walk around the block and build it up. You could also combine this with making new social connections by attending classes in your local area.

4. Stay connected

Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel positive and energised can help you to thrive. If you’ve ever considered joining a community group around shared interests or even volunteering for a local charity, now is the time to do it. “Working together with a shared sense of purpose can help you out of the sense of aimlessness associated with languishing,” says Gosia. “Network, share resources and look out for each other. Knowing that you have each other’s backs can be a huge comfort during difficult times.”

5. Become mindful, not mindless

Mindfulness is not about reaching some blissful or ‘zen’ state. “It actually makes us more aware of the streams of thoughts and feelings that we experience and, rather than just accept them, notice how we can untangle ourselves from past unhelpful patterns,” says Gosia. Want to give it a go? Practise giving your full attention to the things that you are doing or experiencing. “Notice what is happening in your thoughts, emotions and body,” says Gosia. “When your mind starts to wander, notice what happened to your attention and gently bring it back. Like any skill, it needs practice to develop. Start off with short mindful moments and build your practice gradually.”