How to use a vibrator for ultimate pleasure, alone or with a partner

Sex toys are getting more technically advanced all the time, so if you're not sure how to use a vibrator properly, we don't blame you. After all, there are rarely any easy-to-follow instructions for orgasm on the box; even if there were, they wouldn't be suitable for everyone. 

The first step is making sure you pick the best vibrator for you. There are so many different types of vibrators to choose from, with rabbits and G-spot toys, bullets, wands, and remote-controlled vibrators among the favourites. Learning and experimenting with how to use a vibrator is the fun process that comes afterwards.

Getting to know the touches and techniques that turn you on (and off) with the help of a sex toy can improve body confidence, help relieve stress - and, most importantly, be fun. 

How to use a vibrator

1. G-spot vibrator

Phallic in shape, these have a smooth shaft and a curved tip to hit your sweet spot. They can be mechanical or manual, sitting among the best sex toys, but they can also be on the large side so they may be noisy too. 

Unlike some of the other popular vibrators though, a G-spot toy can be quite hard to use if you aren’t sure about your anatomy. There are two main positions and ways to manipulate a vibrator like this one, but you should try plenty of moves to see which one feels the best for you. They all start with using plenty of lube, which you should apply to the tip and shaft of your toy. 

“To begin play, add a drop of lubricant to yourself, evenly spreading it over your vagina, clitoris, and labia with your fingers,” says Annabelle Knight, a sex expert specialising in dating, sex, body language, and relationships. “You may also like to add a drop of lube to the tip of your toy for guaranteed glide.”

The first of the positions is a simple one. Lying on your back, insert the G-spot vibrator and start with a scooping motion in and out - as opposed to a thrusting one. Using gentle pressure, hold the toy and try grinding your hips against the movement.  You can also ease into deeper penetration and stronger vibration settings by lying on your back and touching your clitoris at the same time, either manually or using a smaller vibrator like a bullet. 

You want to aim for the G-spot generally, which is about two-knuckles into the vagina. “The location of this nub of nerve endings can vary from person to person, but as the G-spot should become more sensitive and protrude as you become aroused, there's more chance of finding it if you're turned on,” says Knight. 

Secondly, you could try straddling the toy. Kneel on a bed or other flat surface, inserting the toy from beneath you like you would in the cowgirl or face off sex position to achieve a pleasurable internal sensation. 

Often, it’s much easier to achieve a G-spot orgasm with the help of a partner due to the angle of penetration. Have them explore with you, using scooping motions while moving the toy in and out of your vagina. Use lots of lube and remember to breathe deeply, stopping whenever anything feels too intense or uncomfortable.

2. Rabbit vibrator

The best rabbit vibrators have a similar girth to a standard G-spot vibrator, but they come with vibrating 'rabbit' ears, to target your clitoris at the same time. "Research by Lovehoney and the Liberos Institute found that women who use a rabbit G-spot vibrator orgasm for 17% longer than if they were not using a toy," says Knight, who has worked with Lovehoney for several years.

If you're using a rabbit for the first time, gently run the ears against your clitoris to start with, says Knight. "Once you're ready, switch it on using the buttons on the handle and slowly insert the shaft, after covering it with your choice of lube. Once inside, turn on the vibrations and let the rabbit stimulate your internal erogenous zones." 

It may take a little while to get used to the sensation as it can be a little intense, especially if you have the shaft and the ears vibrating simultaneously. Take your time and if/when you're ready, "press the buttons on the handle to increase the speed or change the vibration pattern." 

You might want to experiment with gentle thrusts, moving the shaft in and out of the vagina, while keeping the bunny ears in contact with your clitoris. 

Depending on the rabbit you pick, some have extra special tricks, such as beaded shafts and thrusting functions. “Play with different combinations to find your or your partner's personal bunny-bliss,” says Knight. “To get the most from your rabbit, try alternating between just clitoral stimulation, just vaginal stimulation, and then both together when you can't take it anymore. The longer you take to build up to orgasm, the more likely it is to be a powerful blended orgasm.”

If you’re using a rabbit vibrator with a partner, standing with one leg up or lying on your back are the best positions for clitoral contact and comfortable penetration. Have your partner nibble on your neck, whisper in your ear, and use their mouth to explore your upper body while using the rabbit to provide deep but gentle strokes, keeping the bunny ears in contact with your vulva at all times. 

3. Bullet vibrator

Bullets are smaller and thinner. They are designed for clitoral stimulation and external erogenous zones. "The best bullet vibrators are the most popular choice for a first toy," says Knight. 

While these are smaller than G-spot vibes, for instance, it's always important to go slow when learning how to use a bullet vibrator. Because of their shape, a bullet vibrator is great for precise stimulation and focusing vibrations exactly where you want them most so start gently and test the sensation of slow and weak to fast and strong vibrations around your favourite areas. Tapping, pressing and holding a bullet against sensitive areas like the nipples, labia, and clitoris is the best way to achieve orgasm with a bullet. 

“Try tracing the tip all over your vulva to discover brand new sweet spots that aren’t just the tip of the clitoris,” suggests Knight. “Then try holding your bullet horizontally, so you can enjoy vibrations across a broader area, which is particularly great if you’re quite sensitive and prefer less intense stimulation.”

You can even go hands-free with a bullet. “Try slipping your vibrating bullet into your underwear,” suggests Knight. “The challenge now is to generate as much pleasure as possible without actually touching the bullet with your hands. You can sit on a chair and grind against the bullet, but hands aren't allowed. It’s a great way to experiment with control, both with and without a partner.”

However, although a bullet vibe is one of the more versatile kinds of vibrators, it can’t be used everywhere. “Because of their shape and size, most bullet vibes aren’t safe for vaginal or anal use, so keep your explorations external." 

4. Vibrating cock rings

Worn around the base of a penis or dildo, the vibrating bullet on the top of the cock ring will press against the clitoris when either your partner or the toy is inside you so they can be used in the same way as standard bullet vibrators. 

However, vibrating cock rings are one of the few vibrators that your partner can also really reap the benefits of at the same time as you. If you're looking to use the ring with a partner, this is what certified sexologist and sex coach Massimo Stocchi-Fontana has to say. "For ease of use, place the ring over the head of the penis, sliding it down the shaft. Test out what feels better for you as some people prefer having the ring placed on a more flaccid or semi-erect penis and many others prefer it being placed on when fully erect." 

He warns that this is quite a personal feel, but it does mean you can get creative. "The ring can be used in various ways like only on the shaft of the penis or only around the testicles, and the third option is having the ring around both the shaft and the base of the testicles. This will naturally pull the testicles a bit forward away from the body so be mindful to stretch the testicles a bit before placement in this method."

Be sure to avoid using a cock ring for more than 20 to 30 minutes though as wearing one decreases blood flow to the area. "There is a real reason why blood is constantly flowing through the penis and we want to avoid priapism or any tissue damage when using a cock ring. Remember that if any sensations feel uncomfortable or are inducing pain, remove the cock ring straight away."

5. Vibrating love eggs

Placed inside your vagina (with lots of lube), these egg-shaped vibrators usually come with a control panel to give to your partner or use remotely yourself. When you're on your own, the remote means no tricky fiddling with buttons. “These insertable toys are similar in size and shape to pelvic floor trainers, but they have a vibrating motor nestled inside instead of weights,” says Knight. 

To use your pick of the best remote vibrators, such as love eggs, insert the lubed-up toy into your vagina about the depth of two knuckles. This is about the position of your G-spot, which is the area that the vibrator is designed to target. From this point, turn the device on to the lowest setting and work your way through the settings, speeds, and modes of your toy to find one that you like the best. You could even add a bullet vibrator into the mix if you're looking for dual stimulation as your external vulva area will be free of anything in the way. 

Communication and experimentation are essential when you're using love eggs as handing over control of your orgasm to someone else can be intimidating, so start at home or somewhere you feel safe and take things slowly. Tell your partner what you like and try talking dirty to each other, working your desires and preferences into the conversation to help things feel more natural. If you're speaking over the phone or on a video chat, make sure you feel comfortable. 

6. Wand vibrator

The best wand vibrators are giant toys originally designed to relieve back and neck pain, but they make incredible clitoral stimulators, says Knight.

“Switch on the vibrations and, using whichever part of the toy feels best against your body, stroke it over external pleasure points to see what feels most enjoyable,” Knight recommends. “If your toy has multiple vibration modes, experiment with the different speeds and patterns.”

You might find that the sides of the bulbous head offer more stimulation than the point, unlike bullet vibrators. Most wand heads are also flexible, so try bending yours in different directions to target those hard-to-reach points.

“Use your wand as part of your foreplay as well," suggests Knight. "Trail it over sensitive spots to work yourselves into a frenzy. For a gentle, nuzzling buzz, reduce your wand's intensity by using it over underwear or bed sheets. Silk, satin, and cotton will all offer different sensations. You could also start by stroking it over your shoulders and back in a slow, circular motion. This offers a sublime, deep tissue massage that might just lead to other things."

7. Clitoral suction vibrator

A clitoral vibrator looks like something a doctor might look inside your ear with - but don't be alarmed. When turned on, a 'suck and blow' motion creates airwaves that target the clitoris.

These toys work best when in close contact with the surface area of the vulva. Using a touch of lube directly onto the skin rather than the toy for this one (although it won't hurt to put some on the mouth of the vibrator as well), press the mouth over, close to, or against the clitoris. You can hold the toy still in this position, letting the suck-and-blow motion of the vibrator do the work, but most people will prefer a bit of movement. Circle the mouth of the toy around the clitoris if that feels good for you, playing around with both the speed of the suction and the vibration pattern as it pleases you. From here you can slowly increase the intensity to build to a powerful orgasm. 

However, pausing and edging yourself - the practice of stopping once you’re close to orgasm and then starting again - can also feel incredible while using a suction vibrator. 

If you enjoy the sensation of air pressure with penetration, you might want to try a dual-performance toy. This is essentially a cross between a suction vibrator and a rabbit vibrator. The simplest and most effective way to use a toy like this is to treat it like you would a classic rabbit vibe. Keep the clitoral stimulator in close contact with your vulva and move the shaft gently in thrusting motions.

How to use a vibrator for the first time

If you're new to using a vibrator, knowing where to start can be difficult. Buying in-store means you’re more likely to be able to hold the toy first, and you can ask advice from the people working there. But if you feel too embarrassed, it’s easier to go online and buy one of the best sex toys for beginners – just be sure to check user reviews on the product first.

• Choose your vibrator: Companies such as Ann Summers, Durex and Lovehoney promise to send their toys in discreet packaging but watch out if you buy from some less-specialist sellers, who treat all packages the same way and may inadvertently include a description on the outside.
• Start slowly: Once your vibrator is out of the packaging start slowly – this is especially important if you are particularly sensitive. And, if you don’t like surprises, use the vibrator on your hand or arm to get to know the vibes you can expect. "Stroke it over external pleasure points to see what feels most enjoyable," says Knight. "Work your way up to the most powerful setting to see which one works best for you."
• Use lube: "No matter which type of vibrator you have, it’ll feel 100 times better with one of the best lubes," says sex expert Jess Wilde. "A water-based one will be compatible with all materials. Many are also specially formulated, which means they don’t disturb the delicate pH balance of the vagina."

How to use a vibrator for solo play

If you're used to always having partnered sexual experiences, flipping the switch and using a vibrator on your own can be a change. "Learning how to use a vibrator on your own can be really easy, and you can have lots of fun doing so," says Julia Margo, a sexual wellness expert and co-founder of toy brand Hot Octopuss.  

Here, Margo offers her advice on using vibrators in solo play:

• Experience the all-over body tingle: “Explore other areas before you dive in! The genitals will relax and be more welcoming to touch once the nipples, belly, and thighs have been activated first," she says.
• Switch between using toys and your hands: “Try alternating the toy with manual stimulation. You can go from the vibrator to tapping your clitoris or squeezing your labia together. The contrast can make the sensations pop.”
• Incorporate the pelvic floor: “Allow yourself to press down through the pelvic floor. Too often women are taught that they need to squeeze their Kegel muscles to be as tight as possible during sex play. This is not the time for that! Let your vagina be soft and open so it can be receptive to all the sensations of the toy," she says.

How to use a vibrator with your partner

Vibrators are not just for solo play. Knowing how to use a vibrator with a partner is a great way of adding some spark back if you want to learn how to have better sex. "Vibrators are easy to use during all kinds of play with a partner,” says Knight. “You can hold them against your clitoris during penetrative sex to increase your chance of orgasm. Or, if your partner has a penis, try using the bullet on their balls or perineum while you give them a blow job.”

These are some of Annabelle's other top tips:

• Tickle the nipples: “Use a vibrator on your partner’s nipples. This will stimulate the same part of the brain as the genitals," says Knight.
• Get cheeky with your toys: “Lick the toy, suck the toy. This can help get you in the mood and add another dimension to your sexual fantasies.”
• Don't start with the toy on the genitals: “When the belly is touched with downward strokes we're building anticipation for the zone to extend further and further until it goes below the belt," she says.